for(-give)

How do you forgive?

Is forgive equal to give? To give the person a second chance? To wish the person happiness? Is "forgive" = for (you to) give? Is forgiveness the purest form of giving? Because we expect nothing, even the value at our end is negative. Is forgiveness a humanity challenge? Is that a chance to show our deity human form that we can give although they hurt us?

How. do. you. forgive.

What would Jesus do? What would Oprah do? What would Zooey Deschanel do? What would Buddha do? What would you do?

If the easiest way to forgive is to forget, I want an amnesia right now.

uniform

In uniform, I see you in function and form. I don’t really see your face. I don’t see your hair. Just like when most people think Asians or African American or Indians or Aborigins or Arabs share the same face between them. Or when we see orangutans or macaques, they have similar faces the first time we see them. When they clad you in short skirts and skimpy shirt with your hair done that people call you sales promotion girl, I want you to please, smile, and serve me. When you put on your student uniform I want you to adhere with the school system. I don’t see your eyebrows, your eyes, let alone your personalities. For me, this is why some people have fetish in uniform. We, the lookers, are the subjects who determine your function. I don’t want you to talk back, god forbid give me ideas. You have to fulfill what your uniform represents. It’s all about the persons not in uniforms.

This is why I don't like uniform.

capitalism

Politics is personal, and business is not. That what makes business atmosphere is more tolerant than politics. Chinese businessmen would make sure that their product is Halal, Moslem realtor would build Chinese mini garden, Christian rattan maker would make special packages for Idul Fitri parcels. The end desire would be money, but the experience in taking humility of our own labels, namely religion, skin, and nationality to serve others would form up the melting pot ambience. The chance to open the minds for the sake of money is a priceless experience that none economic system can foster, except capitalism. Where in capitalism we shed the labels that seemingly formed by our cultures, which we cannot even see the clear reason except clearly for ego booster and identity to differentiate us from the others. Further, in which people are to trust others based on meritocracy rather than identities that have sipped into our skin becoming a subconscious rage to be defended, with no real evidence.

kebaya

There is no connection between kebaya and Kartini Day. Never. Yet, I posed politely every year as a child to win Walkin in Kebaya competitions. Therefore, I am digging to see why Kebaya has been a symbol for Kartini Day for quite a long time. IMHO, Kebaya DOES compliment women’s body. With its tight lines, boobs squeezer top, super wrapper sarong, and kitten heels, you can just imagine any man would love to rip that off you in the middle of paddy field. Kebaya DOES compliment women trait to be lean with mother-like or virgin-like, or even soft, weak, poke-able figures. Kebaya DOES compliment woman’s body to be sexy (remember, tight tight tight) yet mysterious (tight and closed). Kebaya DOES compliment every man’s dream about how Indonesian women should be. To wear a Kebaya, we should have a perfect body minus fat gulp on the back of the hand, in our biceps and triceps, even on our upper back. No fat on our hips or thighs. Unless, it is not the noble Javanese woman that you picture, it’s the mbok-mbok. To wear a kebaya, we should walk one inch at a time unless you will stumble. To wear a Kebaya properly, you should tidy up your hair, at least with French twist or a bun, with small flower.

If you want to connect a Kebaya with new order culture, there you have it.
But, if you want to connect Kebaya with Kartini, there is no such connection, other than Kartini wore Kebaya as it was a mass product for women clothing in Jepara years ago.

Happy kartini Day. Burn that Kebaya down. I’ve never liked Kebaya, anyway.

ithink

people who have got nothing to lose are either those who have nothing or everything

1980

i was born in 1980s and I always think that decade hugs me. Just like a night with its glistening lights that I leave the morning after for a more sunny future. But I cannot ever forget the night. And Barry White is the epitome of the night's soundtrack. Dian Pramana Putra, Vina Panduwinata, Guruh and his Gypsy,Barry White, Ally McBeal (I know this is in 1990's, but most of its soundtracks are White's), ABBA, The Doors, late Queen and Beatles. Except the first three names, the others actually marked the seventies.

And yes that is my elementary school for music. 1970s and early 1980s. It is like moving on from a philosophical search to a more steady, warm, familiar, comforting, and a disco-ey quixotic nights. When you can dance on the rooftop of your apartment, without siding whether to go to war or not.

This ia a Love Orchestra Unlimited Video, conducted by Barry White in "Love's Theme". Released in 1973, it became one of few pure orchestral songs ever that proved to reach number one seat in Billboard Hot 100 in the history. "

update on our safe trip

The geek corporate guy is now taking a guitar lesson
(very intriguing yet the most uncanny activity I’ve seen so far)

The business woman going to be is pampering and preparing herself for her upcoming journey across Hong Kong and Europe

The socialite diva is now submitting her master degree scholarship application

The family guy is now trying to take a badminton lesson
(I don’t know whether trying is equal to doing)

The happy go lucky girl is now opening (loosening) her chances to accept love from different varieties of guys. Even the weird ones.

safe trip

Introducing my friends:

A guy who won abundant competitions since his high school ranging from science Olympics to social science Olympics, now working in the world’s second biggest finance bank branch in Jakarta. His office can even pay him for the most expensive medical check up he wants to take.

A girl who is so persistent towards her life, taking public administration major in her college. Now working successfully in one of the most prestigious Bank that offers voluptuous package of regional management trainee. She is going across Europe next month for two months for a training paid by her office.

A guy who is always loved by his nuclear and extended infamous family. Always seen by his friend as wise, kind hearted and warm. Worked for a junior consultant company, now he is a partner in that company.

A girl who is so literate in playing cello, English fluent, wins a bunch of best speaker awards overseas, has plenty of boyfriends, lush social life, excellent communication skill, naturally flirty body language and now working at the one of the most well-paid job in Indonesia.

A girl who has liberated minds of sibling, really enjoy beaches, sand, jack Johnson, lay back ness, yet the most vigorous person in commanding youth debating events in Indonesia together with the NGO that she is working with. Beside that NGO, she also works for an NGO which was being attacked by FPI at Monas. Also, she is finishing her second undergraduate degree of Sociology. She has a fun and a very breezy life.

And me.

And we are not content with the present condition. Since someone said that we have to take a LEAP in order to make our life meaningful for ourselves. GET OUT of our COMFORT ZONES.

A vigilant life makes a development. But it’s only leap that can make an innovation.

And here we are cursing at our night life and safe trip, and now rumbling about our quarter life crisis.

comfy is

when i read these books in my childhood, i felt an effortless comfortable feeling around.

10. girl talk
9. malory towers (enid blyton's)
8. lupus
7. agatha christie's
6. other enid blyton's
5. disney's, specially the non-princessy stories, i.e dumbo
4. a tie between little women and garfield
3. lima sekawan (wait..this is also enid blyton's)
2. S T O P

and the winner is....
1. sadler's wells

on food

Every time I step into grocery stores, my feet would lead me to the processed food and drink, but my eyes would gaze into the fresh veggie and fruit, and also piles of meat, sliced or chopped. I cannot cook. Wait, I have never cooked, but I am sure I have the ability in doing so. Remember the feeling when you see people bike or swim or play the newest Nintendo games, and you knew, you could do it. Time will tell.

Looking at fresh food is a glimmering image for me who is toying amidst the mediocre, instant, and uncreative package of processed meal. It is like a luxury waiting to be apprehended.

I know, or at least I think, I would love to cook. I like reading descriptions about cooking, and dessert making, or drink varying. I love reading recipes, personifications using smell, color, texture, and taste of ingredients. I love eating a unique and well-prepared mixture of dishes, .and I think watching cooking DIY TV shows is alluring. Cooking is an imaginative and creative production, something that would lead me into a gratification.

Someday, luxury will knock on the door. And, I’ll warmly welcome it. But sorry, not now.

No offense for the cooking diva.I am a fan.

radical liberal

Marilyn Manson, who mixed his name based on aliases of Norma Jean Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) and Charles Maddox (Charlie Manson, THE mugshot mastermind), is the embellishment of reasons why there is a lot of parental advisory censored music. hether music will directly effect the listener or not, the debate will wind up in between education, and popular culture (or shall I say counter culture) impact upon youth.

I am not a professor in media or pop culture fad. But sure, I have a glimpse of thought, as usual. Charles Maddox who masterminded several inhuman murders had an IQ for about 121, which means average or above average. An intelligent. His followers, as well, were educated and brilliant women. It is pretty disappointing that although they are that educated, that knowledgeable, but able to stab their victims for couples of tens.

First, Charles Maddox (Manson) is the inspiration for Anthony Hopkins in playing his role in The Silence of the Lamb, that if you paid attention, the character never blinked when he talked, just like the real Manson. As being said before, being a high intelligent person, he had strong belief to what he thought and what he said.

Helter Skelter is a Beatles’ song from the White Album which was being interpreted by Manson and became the reason to murder people. On this case, Manson once said, “it is not me who said that. It is the music.”

In that case of course The Beatles was not jailed just because Manson adored them and interpreted the songs freely. Should the blame be put to Kathleen Maddox, Manson’s illegitimate mother who abandoned him not just once?

The disappointment is where we see Manson as intelligent, and also an antiwar protester, a hippie, a liberal, and glorifying “And in the end, the love we take will be equal to the love we make”, would interpret a song appallingly, and lost others’ life.

Many intelligent people are depicted as troubled by the history, Adolf Hitler, Napoleon, Kurt Cobain. What made them different than Jesus Christ, Muhammad, and Sidharta? Emotional Intelligent? Well, the later three surely outpathed their age, intelligent. But, they also had mother and father who supported them and gave them love in a place so called family that perhaps shaped their emotional intelligence or simply, compassion.

Manson and his followers could be liberal, hippies, love lovers, freedom and free sex and free flow of drugs glorifiers, different than Osama’s followers. But, Manson and Osama have two things in common: high intelligent and lack of emotional intelligent, namely compassion.

love is of no use

people who are falling in love are:

"People who are no longer content to occupy their own space, people who could no longer rely on a new jacket, a bag of grass and an afternoon rerun of The Rockford Files to make them complete," Nick Hornby in About a Boy.

agree?

jealousy

It comes when you’ve got nothing to do and try to make some betterment out of yourself, looking for a benchmark, and end up mystifying how better other persons are.
It comes when you see other people get more attention, but you feel that they don’t deserve it. The other way around, if you bow for their capabilities and qualities, it’s not jealousy. It’s respect. Jealousy goes to people who actually don’t deserve it.
So, when you feel jealous, the best way to redeem it is to make a mental note that you are way so much better than him, her, or them, fella!


Or, find some fun class, such as belly dance or R n B, or latin dances. =)

the cast

When you decided something and the people around you refused or irritated by your decision, just take them only as casts in your movie. When somebody snappy and think-that-s/he-knows-all stabbed you with over-intellectual way of talking, also make them as the cast. Because, basically, other people are just the cast in your life. You are the one who is determining your own life and who as who.

intro

why we need to identify when we are all pulsated in a destined time and place, moving around a big bulk concentrated mass of star. Or rather we want to be the Hawking radiation, escape from the vanishing monotonous stirred milky way, stretch the destined time and place so that it’s relative. That, I agree.

Ov.

korintus

Kasih itu sabar
Kasih itu murah hati
Ia tidak cemburu
Ia tidak meneguhkan diri dan tidak sombong
Ia tidak melakukan yang tak sopan dan mencari keuntungan sendiri
Ia tidak pemarah dan tidak menyimpan kesalahan orang lain
Ia tidak bersuka cita karena ketidakadilan,
tetapi karena kebenaran
Ia menutupi segala sesuatu,
percaya segala sesuatu
mengharapkan segala sesuatu
sabar menanggung segala sesuatu

kasih tidak berkesudahan
nubuat akan berakhir
bahasa roh akan berhenti
pengetahuan akan lenyap

demikianlah, tinggal ketiga hal ini,
yaitu iman, pengharapan dan kasih
dan yang paling besar di antaranya adalah
kasih.

consumption and gratification

*I like this photo...picture of the victims of a slavery, hehehe. Arief Aziz and me*


This week goes on with complication of mind. I want my life be on its reel based on my personal mood and desire. I want it to be fast-forwarded. And lately I found out that the hardest thing to make a prosperous development in your life is Compromises. I don’t like to learn people’s mind and dealing with their barriers given to people. It is tiring, you know, to try to enter someone’s gate to make a first good impression. I can’t bear much to make an effort first before cooperate with people, trying to grasp the core by entering a labyrinth of judgmental thoughts is not easy for me. I’d prefer my comfort zone, myself, my friends. Is it selfish? Or is it a freewill? I’d prefer an individual job if there’s any. Writer? Is it an individual and selfish job? Teaching? Is it too? What do you think? I’ll change my profession as fast as possible at the beginning of next year. I hope so.

Btw, this is the mid of the year. It’s time to check my 2007 new year’s resolution. Half of them are accomplished, though they are resolutions in the form of CONSUMPTION. Meanwhile, the resolutions in the form of GRATIFICATION haven’t been started yet. Have to move my butt off. They are: Spanish course, piano course, read feminism books, write articles, and work my body out! Hmmph. Oh ya, including attend church mass as frequent as possible (very questionable). Ayo Ovi, semangattt

i wanna

I wanna die without knowing people are bad
I wanna close my eyes and not seeing people smirk on my success
I wanna shut my ears without hearing people subordinating me behind my back
I wanna numb my skin to give no rooms for false pats
I wanna blackened my heart so it’ll not be moved by cheap praises
I wanna hang up the phone before rumors are spread further
I wanna be beautiful so I won’t have to try triple-standardly to give contributions
I wanna be funny so everybody will laugh and lose focus on my weaknesses
I wanna be powerful so everyone will hear for all I’ve got to say
I wanna be in an education system again when meritocracy is the only standard
I don’t want to respect people only just because they are older
I disgust social order and organization
Unfortunately, working life lets everything in

she

she is the one who can rip through the layers on my body
fix it through my eyes, the real thing i wanna see
concealing the make ups
melting the shading
cut my happy smile hardly
as Black Dahlia lying down blindly
put the haze into tears
that burst and gulp my face into fears
fearing myself that i am not myself
not that I am not in decay
but that I am going through the process
to what I may

a catalyst

A catalyst is someone who is touching your most sensitive
The person heralding a non-significant beautiful manner
Pressing your alarm, burgeoning your production
Of imaginations, words,
Poems, stories,
Tears, metaphors,
Associations,
Future,
features
Giving facts to serendipities,
Befriend the competitors,
Praise the competitors,
Automatic well-mannerism,
Sad hoping flirtatious smile,
Canny soften voice
The sweetest masochism
Without realizing
It’s you who empower yourself
And the person is just a catalyst.