it's beginning to look a lot like christmas

It's Christmas time and I know not everybody has the privilege to attend Christmas eve mass in the cathedral then waited for their bf to finish Sholat Maghrib at Istiqlal. Here's what it feels like, please take a piece of its warmth =)



Jakarta's cathedral seen from Istiqlal pavement



Cathedral's gate



Christmas eve mass with Indonesia National Police' Protection.


After that, bf's almost 30 birthday dinner:






Both: Bebek Bengil Restaurant




nephew #3



nephew #2 with his glow in the dark pumpkin pajamas



nephew #2 with his future diet


Hope your holiday be fuzzed with love and warmth, y'all!

uniform

In uniform, I see you in function and form. I don’t really see your face. I don’t see your hair. Just like when most people think Asians or African American or Indians or Aborigins or Arabs share the same face between them. Or when we see orangutans or macaques, they have similar faces the first time we see them. When they clad you in short skirts and skimpy shirt with your hair done that people call you sales promotion girl, I want you to please, smile, and serve me. When you put on your student uniform I want you to adhere with the school system. I don’t see your eyebrows, your eyes, let alone your personalities. For me, this is why some people have fetish in uniform. We, the lookers, are the subjects who determine your function. I don’t want you to talk back, god forbid give me ideas. You have to fulfill what your uniform represents. It’s all about the persons not in uniforms.

This is why I don't like uniform.

active listener

I found this article when flipping through websites during my morning green tea before work ritual, “Feeling Grumpy is ‘good for you’”. And I love the phrase “annoying happy types” they use there. It basically says:

“An Australian psychology expert who has been studying emotions has found being grumpy makes us think more clearly.
In contrast to those annoying happy types, miserable people are better at decision-making and less gullible, his experiments showed.
While cheerfulness fosters creativity, gloominess breeds attentiveness and careful thinking, Professor Joe Forgas told Australian Science Magazine”.

It’s like, wow someone feels me. Disclaimer: I’m not saying I am attentive and thinking carefully, but I am gloomy in general. Happy, in appearance at least, is not something that comes easy for my 25 years living. I have curved down lips. Not flat, not up. Lips, which I recall from some scientific facial research, belong to persons who age sadly. In my normal state of expression, my lips are curved down, I look barky. Bf keeps telling me to smile, like everyday. I know I have wide angled smiley lips, and it looks slightly better than the normal state (One has to know what one’s got). But, it is hard to stage.

Anyway, I try. I changed my blog background from black to this I-don’t-know-what-variant-of-green-is, my twitter background is a happy purple with soft flowers, and my emo suicidal mood has changed drastically recently, not that I ever had it but you know what I mean. I rant fewer; I create dark surreal poems full with metaphors scarcely, the obvious one is black is no longer my favorite wardrobe color. It all comes with effort. Oh, and smileys in texts, there you go. An effort.

Do not think that I made the effort to change my branding. No. More practical reason for me is to become a less of an active listener. In my whole life, people talk to me more than I talk to them. And perhaps, not happy face (interpreted as serious by overly verbose persons) and attentiveness play some roles here.

Has this reduced my attractive active listener characteristic? No. A large number of my YM conversations still consist of me saying “trus?”, “and?”, “why?”, and just a bit of my counterpart asking ”how about you?” five lines before the conversations end. And I say “trus?”, etc in a full conscious, fabricated, so you will be satisfied with this yours truly active listener.

Being an active listener (really, one has to know what one’s got or perhaps the only thing that one’s got) is well, interesting. Some people even ask me to conclude and giving them inputs. Sometimes, I feel like analyzing a discourse using Laclau and Mouffe discourse analysis theory, and should write a thesis upon a love story. I feel honored and doing something useful, and scientific.

When an active listener counterpart keep being a verbose counterpart in his/her life and shutting down their opposite chatter, their position is not equal with the others. I see you, yes you chatty persons, as people who come, talk, and leave without paying a shrink fee. In contrast, the always be active listener is also a dumb. Should have a right portion for everything, right? Hence, my effort. Meanwhile, talkative people*, pay up your shrink fee. I kid I kid, you know I love you *lots of smileys* ohhh, and XOXO.

*Talkative people do not always appear happy. Lots of them are masked in black rock n roll gloomy weed-full face.

sniff

Luncheon with rose-bouquet-tea in a blue china, poached egg, breakfast sausage, savory waffles, and grapefruit slices. This accompanied by conversation on rose dripping boughs or about the new wallpaper; a stained blue Victorian which looks perfectly worn out. Nah, that’s just in my Anne of Green Gables induced fantasy. My lunch yesterday unlikely came with a practical tip (from an often-sniffed-by-the-pregnant-wife-husband) of how to get rid of cigarette stink from your body. This accompanied by a bowl of cap cay and pineapple et orange juice.

So, here we go:

1. Smoke in open air; smoke stink will stay bolder in an indoor room, most likely if you’re sweating. So, try not to sweat while smoking. Wind also helps ‘sweeping’ the smoke away, thus open air.

2. Wash your mouth with cookies, water, and then some peppermint candy after that. Food helps a lot to reduce the smoke stink.

3. Also clean your nostrils, either with tissue or water. Brown nicotine residue usually stays there because sometimes you also exhale the smoke through your nose.

4. No smoking in a room, car, or any other places that easily invite the pregnant wife’s sniffing cyborg ability.

5. Shower. Duh.

This is so random, I know.

my typical morning

Me: we turn right at Bunderan HI

Taxi driver: Oh, you mean Cokroaminoto street

yawn (some drivers say Cokroaminoto street some say Sutan Syahrir street some say Imam Bonjol, all I know is the street lays right to Nikko Hotel) So, by not negating or approving, I said…

Me: We turn right to the street beside Nikko Hotel

Taxi driver: yes. It IS Cokroaminoto (some drivers would say, “Yes, like what I said, it IS Sultan Syahrir-or Imam Bonjol-)

Time for me to google or simply ask, so I wouldn’t have mornings so typical anymore.

so...

I have two relationship journals
the first one tells my boyfriend’s bad behavior
the second one glorifies our shunned glittery times
I will reveal the first one if we broke up
The second one will be our reminder at our 40th anniversary.
Only one third of this information is true.

wishful thinking

It was a chill night. Bf just got back from his business trip and for some reason I didn’t speak to him at all. Me and silence do not correlate to each other, seeing this bf drove his car further from my place. “Why are you so silent?” I knew where this conversation leads to. With a good ladylike manner I answered, “Nothing.” Ha. Then, he drove rather far away.

“We can go to Taman Menteng,” I said.

Abandoning my wish, he strolled through road to Erasmus Huis. I remembered our favorite place near there, Trattoria. Okay perhaps he wanted a comfy place to talk and a good pizza plus free after dine in baileys! Yaiyy! Wrong. He parked his car beside a large vacant land.

“What do you want from this relationship?” he asked

Why so serious? I’m so tired I wanna go home. Should I answer?

“Ha? Uh? What?”

“Why do you still want to be with me?” He asked again, try to clarify, but I think those two questions had different meanings.

Why did you ask ?

“Why….?”

“Just answer. Please.”

Then he got out from the car, lighted his cig and reached for a small bendable bench, put it on the grass beside my door, and sat there. From up here (his car is a minivan), he was literally on my knee.

Okay, here we go. What a tricky question, such a prick. Why am I still with you? Umm, what will girls say? because…I feel comfortable with you, I need laughs, you need me, definitely. I like to share…you know…our needs. Be prepared for the best and the worst. The worst would be he’s breaking up with me with that typical passive aggressive question and the best would be he’s proposing me. Hey, he was (at least seemed like) kneeling!

“…Because I like spending time with you…”

“For how long?”

How do I know, damn. I wanna go home yada yada yada, let’s kiss and make up. To make this fast (I always believe, when it hurts and lame, better do it quick), I jerked this off.

“For…ever…”

“In what form?”

Oh, here we go when men become complicated. This is tricky. In what form my butt! Are you talking about what kind of social contract? I wanna go home. I f I said, I’m okay with any form, he’ll think I’m not taking us seriously. If I said marriage, God forbid, he would successfully trap me to say it first.

“In what form, I don’t know,” rolling my eyes, exhausted.

“Well, listen,” he stepped on his cig butt and put a serious melancholic face.

Here we go here we go, he’s gonna say it. What will I say..um…perhaps, Oh baby, what a sweet of you, but I’m not ready.

“Honey, I love spending time with you. But, to take it to forever, some things need fixing. Like you, would you please speak in a more soft intonation (referring to the unmentioned catfight) and not cornering me around, more importantly, do not always ask W H Y?”

But, WHY? What’s wrong with why?

“Wh…y?”

He continued, “If I said something, would you please don’t ask WHY and just enjoy whatever ride we’re having?”

I remembered EQ Puradiredja’s tweet, “Nothin' you can do about it.. Its too strong to be denied. Don't you try to understand it.. Just relax and enjoy the ride.. :)” Alrite honey, I got it I got it. Could we just go home, My Name is Earl DVDs are waiting. Dang, the long ride was just for a very simple proposition and suggestion.

“Ok.”

There you go, no engaged lady for that night. I was just having a wishful thinking. But at least I know, he’s in a better mood and giving soft cheekkisses. He played OASIS Live Acoustic Playlist before, and now he intentionally hit the Tony Bennett duet playlist. I preferred OASIS better so I could sing along with it, but Tony Bennett duo showed he’s having beautiful butterflies in his head. Much better. Hey, nothing is better than a guy who’s recovering from a bad mood. They’re as soft as sheepskin.

love

Flaky cotton candy hay

Blue pink yellow and none of them is grey

Like a charm in life, I want you to stay


Some lollipops are blinding my way

I get bored and fell black as the ashtray


But, poppies will bloom, at least every May

And, you, my baby, will not be a passé

Ov . June 29th 2009

capitalism

Politics is personal, and business is not. That what makes business atmosphere is more tolerant than politics. Chinese businessmen would make sure that their product is Halal, Moslem realtor would build Chinese mini garden, Christian rattan maker would make special packages for Idul Fitri parcels. The end desire would be money, but the experience in taking humility of our own labels, namely religion, skin, and nationality to serve others would form up the melting pot ambience. The chance to open the minds for the sake of money is a priceless experience that none economic system can foster, except capitalism. Where in capitalism we shed the labels that seemingly formed by our cultures, which we cannot even see the clear reason except clearly for ego booster and identity to differentiate us from the others. Further, in which people are to trust others based on meritocracy rather than identities that have sipped into our skin becoming a subconscious rage to be defended, with no real evidence.

charles darwin

Darwin's masterpieces:

“On the Origin of Species” (1859), “The Descent of Man and Selection in Relation to Sex” (1871) and “The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals” (1872).

On the "Origin" : Darwin presented extensive and compelling evidence that all living beings — including humans — have evolved from a common ancestor, and that natural selection is the chief force driving evolutionary change.

On the "Descent of Man": "Sexual selection was an additional force, responsible for spectacular features like the tail feathers of peacocks that are useless for (or even detrimental to) survival but essential for seduction," Charles Darwin.

On the "Expression":


Illustration by Thomas Porostocky; Photographs by University of Cambridge
In “The Expression of the Emotions in Animals and Men,” Darwin traced connections between humans and animals in the muscles used to express emotions such as grief and terror.

Historian Richard Milner said, “Everyone should find his own Darwin. The man was so large. He was a zoologist, a botanist, an explorer, a travel writer, a philosopher, an abolitionist, a doting father, a radical intellectual revolutionary with an utterly conservative and blemish-free lifestyle. He revolutionized every field he touched, and he was trained in none of them.”

www.nytimes.com

rug

nymag.com

mirror

nymag.com

kebaya

There is no connection between kebaya and Kartini Day. Never. Yet, I posed politely every year as a child to win Walkin in Kebaya competitions. Therefore, I am digging to see why Kebaya has been a symbol for Kartini Day for quite a long time. IMHO, Kebaya DOES compliment women’s body. With its tight lines, boobs squeezer top, super wrapper sarong, and kitten heels, you can just imagine any man would love to rip that off you in the middle of paddy field. Kebaya DOES compliment women trait to be lean with mother-like or virgin-like, or even soft, weak, poke-able figures. Kebaya DOES compliment woman’s body to be sexy (remember, tight tight tight) yet mysterious (tight and closed). Kebaya DOES compliment every man’s dream about how Indonesian women should be. To wear a Kebaya, we should have a perfect body minus fat gulp on the back of the hand, in our biceps and triceps, even on our upper back. No fat on our hips or thighs. Unless, it is not the noble Javanese woman that you picture, it’s the mbok-mbok. To wear a kebaya, we should walk one inch at a time unless you will stumble. To wear a Kebaya properly, you should tidy up your hair, at least with French twist or a bun, with small flower.

If you want to connect a Kebaya with new order culture, there you have it.
But, if you want to connect Kebaya with Kartini, there is no such connection, other than Kartini wore Kebaya as it was a mass product for women clothing in Jepara years ago.

Happy kartini Day. Burn that Kebaya down. I’ve never liked Kebaya, anyway.

blahgirls.com

John Mayer's Diary Found

crazy pinko jacket

as a mediocre jacket collector, i think this jacket is ohhsome.


NET-A-PORTER.COM

a

most of the male characters in my sentimental side of life (read: romance) have names started with letter a, followed with d:

adi***
adr***
adr*****
adi*****
and, my dearest
ade aka adi**

life is so funny

Sore.

Yesterday concert at Teater Salihara was definitely the best concert for me for the first quarter of this year. Bringing the theme “Publik untuk Ruang Publik” (Public for Public Space), the concert blending vintage Indonesian motion pictures with music from indie spheres, KunoKini, Efek Rumah Kaca, and Sore. Located in a nearly invisible area in South Jakarta, the grey brick-stoned community house was moderately packed with tweens, teens, adults, and mature people to attend the closing ‘ceremony’ of National Movie Month 2009 themed “Sejarah Adalah Sekarang” (History is Now).

Interesting choice was made to close the month by playing those bands while slides from vintage Indonesian movies were playing. KunoKini hummed and hit the drum while environment- forest-rain like slides played, also a clip from Tiga Dara. Then, Efek Rumah Kaca gave music to G/30S/PKI slides by Arifin C. Noor (seriously, this is one of the most horrific thriller movies in the history). The last, Sore was assisted by classic romantic sagas, such as: Badai Pasti Berlalu, Ali Topan Anak Jalanan, Gita Cinta Waktu SMA, Kala, Pintu Terlarang (the last two were not romantic at all, tho).

KunoKini was highly applaud-able. Who can ignore a whole set of traditional percussion, nice humming and whistling techniques, tribal ethnic fashion and tattoos, guys who can rap, wear keds, and utter smart lyrics (such as “UU-APP F*** that Shit!!”) ,move to reggae mood, and have dreadlock-ed heads? Definitely not me. The highlight of their performance was when the slide listed various Indonesian cultures that were “stolen” by other countries, mostly Malaysia. And the list went beyond twenty and KunoKini bombarded the audience with ever so nationalist lyrics.

Efek Rumah Kaca set aside their “Lagu Cinta Melulu” image and uncovered their true flesh: political, dark songs with high guitar distortion. They did not rest at all for 30 minutes, and left the audience with no oxygen hearing their songs in chains with GS0S/PKI movie. So frustrating. I bet this was their aim. No doubt, they successfully heightened the tense. Aside from their no engagement to the audience, their music was helluva dark and melodious at the same time. Not recommended for those in suicidal mood.

Sore. What can I say. Perfect, except for some sound failures on Ade Firza’s mic (I guess they should put the lyrics up on the slides, like karaoke, you know what I mean). Sore brought vintage Indonesian sounds complimented with psychedelic, melodious, and a nice Synthesizers combination. To add, their composition was genuine, smart, and so Indonesian. To imagine, their songs were like bringing you through the journey of faded old photos from Kebun Raya Bogor to Old Jakarta night life. From La Ramblas to Monas (hmmm…too farfetched). However, there is not much Indonesian band with Indonesian sound. To mention some: GSP’Gypsi, KLA, Humania, and Sore. Last night, Sore knocked down their repertoire and impressed the audience with hard and loud sound combined with blossomful lyrics and melodies. They made my eyes misty, especially the "Lullaby Blues" song.

DC

Dane Cook replied my email. A documentation of a fanmail.
Gw merasa kayak ABG lagi. Hoho.

Me:

Hi Dane,


My name is (insert my full name), from indoensia.

1. i am following you on twitter
2. i made several replies
3. i wonder whether you ever received it or not, because somehow if i don't follow a person in twitter, and that person replies me, i won't be able to see the reply.
4. So, here you go....my replies for your tweets so far. (and i listed my tweets)

Again,
Happy Birthday!

-me-



Dane:

saw them all -- just get a ton ... KEEP SENDING and THANK YOU!!!


DC


Hahah.

when osama and obama collide

one of Indonesian Legislative Candidates put both names in one poster.

ugly posters

Let’s see what happened around lately. Indonesia is coming closer to the 2009 presidential and legislative election. The balloting will be done on April 9th 2009. The impact, generally, is now cities all over Indonesia look ugly because they are donned with haphazard posters from legislative candidates from not two, not three, but more than 30 political parties. Each centimeter of empty space in Jakarta is sticked with small pamphlets with various uncoordinated colors.

Moreover, It’s pretty tough though, since I do not know most of the candidates’ names and faces. To sum some, click this . And, this year, more and more celebrities participate as legislative candidate as well. Rumor has it, including as a presidential candidate (Dedy Mizwar, everyone?). I say, it is a good thing, since I know those popular faces, they know how to handle crowds and put on some image management, they publicize themselves properly. And, it does not mean that they are less intelligent than the non-celebrities candidates. All they need is some super responsive and smart core team of people.

I do want to make the wisest decision. But I think it’s pretty hard, since there is scarce source of information that explains these candidates neutrally. I really just hope Indonesia has less than 10 parties. It makes choosing easier for a complicated person like me. It means, I don’t have to think this and that’s. But, with a country with more than 17.000 islands, you never know.

lomo

Don't think, just shoot.
So curious for Lomo
Holga kit, Colorsplash camera, Horizon 202, Pop 9, Action sampler, Cybersampler, Super Sampler, 3D Camera set, Smena 8 dan Seagull TLR. and, iPhone's polarize application!!
let's see. Would i try it or not.
anyway, i'm in for everything vintage.

island caretaker

some of you know arief aziz, some of you don't.
well, here i fully support him to take a leap in his life
to be an island caretaker
watch the video and give him some stars, folks!

fire fair

She would now lit the fire
Even though it’s hard to make it fainter
She would put puzzle of words
He would put narrative in herds
She would lost knowledge just sense
And sparks of logical emotion being now and then
He would tuck seemingly rational proposal in a den
She would see him as having no bargain
As he tired of this monstrous situation
He slapped the door and going to his heaven
She would stay still with no move
As if the open door will prove
That the roar she heard before
Would be his cycle back to the harbor
Would be him stepping in again at the door
But she would stay still with no move
And melt within the truth of the rouge
Embracing the pain as it turfs
And dissipate it to a fair
That sometimes, she needs to lit a fire
To make life fuller with flair

me no dali

Being a person graduated from a program with a feminism class in it doesn’t make me a feminist. I mean, ideally there is no feminist, multiculturalists, anything good-ist, simply compact everything into a humanist. However, I dissipate patriarchy and support feminism just because sparing women for her second class social constructed- traits is something occurs from diminutive minded persons and is a very dull thing to think of.

A friend gave a gender class one day and asked male religious teachers to describe traits associated with female. Their answers were: those who make coffee, prostitute, soft, those who turn us on, and those who make something sleeping becomes erected.

EEEEWWWW, I know. This post comes as a friend alleged me to be non-feminist despite of literatures that I read. He said, “I have a very strong and independent woman colleague, she said, she doesn’t care if her husband cheat on her. She’s very into her works. I think, it’s because of her high self-confident. I think, she describes our era of women, when feminism has influenced women’s attitude widely. That’s how a new woman should be. I mean, there are some women who are repressed in their relationship, but they don’t do anything about it although they understand feminism. They do whatever the male partners want them to do: change religions, get married soon, doesn’t allow her to meet her friends, etc etc. But this woman colleague of mine is so great that she doesn’t care if she is cheated, she has a full confidence that she’s happy because of herself, not because she is being with her husband.”

Hmmm…..did you see teh nini face when AA Gym decided to “split” his love. Me no Gala and Salvador Dali who said okay when each other had more than one concubines. And, I think, a relationship will not be at its purest form anymore if one of the person cheating, and it doesn’t have anything to do with feminism or strong women, it’s simply a matter of how you keep your words to another person.

Sam

My favorite author, Samuel P. Huntington just died on December 24th 2008. I read his books for his straight to the point and never boring line. Perhaps, strongly, because the minute I read his Who Are We? I found the elaborative explanation of what I had in my entangled mind, that Culture is the heartbeat that makes people march everyday,including to the war.



Jonah Goldberg said that Huntington's 1996 "The Clash of Civilizations" work:

"was deeply, and often willfully, misunderstood and mischaracterized by those who didn't want it to be true. But after 9/11, it largely set the terms for how we look at the world. In it, he argued that culture, religion and tradition are not background noise, as materialists of the left and the right often argue. Rather, they constitute the drumbeat to which whole civilizations march. This view ran counter to important constituencies. The idea that man can be reduced to homo economicus has adherents among some free-market economists, most Marxists and others. But it's nonsense on stilts. Most of the globe's intractable conflicts are more clearly viewed through the prisms of culture and history than that of the green eyeshade. Tensions between India and Pakistan or Israel and the Arab world have little to do with GDP."

2009

Year : 2009
Mood : Pessimist Optimistic
New Year’s Eve : Mediocre
I think God is : Funny and doesn’t like me partying
New Year’s Resolution : Think Less
Hair : Longest ever
Bod : Bf said no changes since 2007
Age : turning 25 (ouch!!!)
Thought : saving for car, house, children’s education
Dream : master degree, travel all over the world, read,
write, having a small creative store or magazine,
working with arts, culture, creative things,
mastering striptease
Philosopher : Edmund Burke
Hunk : Dane Cook
Prophet : Bob Marley