A pianist, A singer, and Blackcurrant Tea

Felt dizzy in my head and ailing throat. Makes you pull your thin vein till people say, “How sexy your voice is” while the blood is actually rushing through the narrow tunnel and push the skin, that it is sprayed and spread warmth, in my neck, forehead, and chins.
Longing for my mum’s hot ginger drink.
Couldn’t get it.
Checking phonebook of list of people I think would care for me find some amusement. So this talk-active guy and used-to-be-handsome-but-now-really-in-to-picking-his-own-face was available.
The journey was like a heavenly agony.
Thick smoke of old wrecked bus, which has never banned by the City Council. Harsh voice asking each one on the road to come in, into the ‘Ghost Ship’.
And there was I. With my flowery dress and broken white pointed shoes. Sitting like enjoying being there in the very back of the bus, which I didn’t care. I felt normal, if someone accompanied me. Is it funny how you won’t be awkward when you were with someone? My friend said the word is Insecure. Point is, I asked him to make me feel secure wearing a dress amongst abang-abang in the bus. Otherwise, I’d pick taxi, which is overmhelmingly expensive.

And I enjoyed to talk calm, heard his same old stories about his mad sister, over and over.
Enjoying my warm skin, let touched by polluted wind that sprang in from the bare ‘door’.
Enjoying the heavy eyes which sometimes will do connection with the throat and ask it to do little coughs.
Made me slow down, (seemed) wiser, do not need protection, but it is okay if you come, hug, and warm me.

Then, the next slides are just like beautiful colors of laser shot between creamy sofas with big cushions, glazing white tea pots and cups, and dark hard woody table.
The singer with almost likely Happy Clinic scent, clean jeans, long sleeve shirt, leather shoes, brown sling bag just like mine, and the girl.
The pianist, with always complaining stories, streamy chords, more beautiful face than mine (since it was steamed), cream bathed hair, and the other pianist.
Warm blackcurrant, chunky cheese and chocolate, talks of documentaries.
And old people with new entries, touches and sanities for me.
Snug. Cozy. Inspiring. Broadens.
But it is okay if you come, squeeze, and warm.
Picture by Ov

sign

Then the day came…
Not one, but days that I saw the initials everywhere
On the plates of cars
jericha predominant
okay, bizarrely, I said they have to struggle

though I’ve fulfilled and satisfied
with other’s emergent mind
other’s magnetic corporeal desire
other’s fame

but the day came…
that, remain, To Be Found Soul’s Body is the most welcome to come
and the un-callous wanna strive for whiteness again
enchanting, once more

but the day hasn’t come
that I only want to be enthralled by some
since I like all

Denial, Denial

“…All of those two magazines are still stucked in women domestic stereotype, as can be seen by many articles are mainly about kitchen, recipe, and households…(and one of them is Femina).”-from one of my past writings-

No nipples, no cleavage, no cigarette, no torso. Yes, I’m an interner in a company that does not allow these appealing stuffs appear and become toxic for young girls out there. One day I showed a picture of this young man, member of an instant singer maker reality show originated from South America. No good torso, actually, but still, it’s censored! Wow, yeah, I get it, he’s a member of the big three now, many will dream over him. And girls are not allowed to. It’s too gross and misbehaved.
The magazine is not the problem. The question should be directed to me. What am I doin there? Keep this question. Maybe I’ll answer it. If I have one, though.

Nggak Enak is Uneasy

Monday. Heavy traffic!
But still, woke up at eight, grabbed some toasts with chocolate jam, and got a shower.
Pretty quick. Only took half an hour. So, I went off at 8.30.
Waiting for Bus number 52, Bekasi-Tanah Abang, lewat Komdak, Thamrin.
So I waited.
…though some busses numbered 05 passed by…
I could have been gotten in. But, ah, they’re too crowded.
So I waited
…convined by the less crowded space I’ll get, the pretty cozy seat, and air con…
I could wait, like forever, I thought.
Then a woman dressed in light yellow suit came near.
“Lama ya, Mbak. Nunggu nomor berapa?”, then I told her, number 52.
After one hour had passed…
05 passed in front of me. Slow in pace. Like teasing. No crowd, no people stood, many empty seats.
Hmm…could have gotten in. I could continue my journey with bus number 66 after get out from number 05.
But I did not jump into that white bus. Simply because I felt nggak enak to this young lady, si emba-emba, who started conversations with me.
Uh!
Finally, I got there, Jl. Rasuna Said, at 11.30, by 05 that passed by afterward, stood all the way, took 66. Precisely the same thing I could have done one or two hours before.
Once I stepped into the room, everyone had gone to meetings.
And I felt
unguilty.

An Answer in Few Concepts


“What’s his religion, Vi?” asked my girlfriend.
“Does it matter?” I answered.

If everyone believes and blubbings in big media that all religions are the same, in the measure of each good teachings, then I do not believe that inter religion marriage is unpermissable.

1. One day, live more than one Gods who make and manage this whole world. They have their own followers. Then some of their follwers just get married and live happily, although they have to strain for many difficulties on earth. The Gods smile happily out there, since they are good Gods. They love each other, they are friends, and want to make this universe goes better with the system they created. Thus, inter-religion marriage will not harm them.

2. But, uh, oh, how bout if the Gods were so exclusive? They curse the followers who make family with the followers of other Gods. It makes them sad, they do not want to be the minority, they want to be the only great God ever. Then, if this really happens, it is us who should not follow these selfish Gods.

3. The whole world and universe is created to reach its own aim. Thus, the score of morality will be integrated within the system. This way, humblily accept, I believe that our values in this world are the same with what The Great Power expects. He/She/whatever gender it is won’t ruin the very own system, rite? Then, one bad thing hurt when people do inter religion marriage: ego. Does not matter much. Other big and necessary values are not harmed.

4. Inter religion marriage is unpermissable since two religions can not unite. How cruel. One of the unrelenting deed is interprets “the bright cannot collide with the dark”, plants it deep down your heart, share it with your brotherhood of the same religion just to stake it even more deeper, but still campaigning: Peace On Earth.

P.S: I’ve already set my thought in the humblest and most positive thinking that there is God. The nice one, I mean.

Welcome, Deeper See-er!

I almost agree that they do not worth admiration, even gratitude, that I swithched the channel everytime they show up. The clothes are in too vivid colors. The make-ups…uh. All like plastics.
Then the day came. I had to interview them! Yaahhh…new kid in the office, get the least one. Then, I know. This boy from Makasar, is actually exouduced from Mollucas island. He even did not want to continue his opportunity in this competition. Why? Since the thought of his family keeps on hangin in, he said. His father is a stone lifter, who only earns Rp.20.000,00 a day. This amount must feed the whole family, ten children and one wife. When the other contestants can change their shoes every time they perform, he can’t. Just one old pair of shoes. Last week he got the new one, anyhow. Given by his father who had gotten it from someone else.
Not to mention the others. The boy with grotesque hair, whose my lil brother loves a lot!!, the smiling-a-lot boy with thick javanese accent, and this little cute woman with pinkish pointed shoes everday.
They’ve got their way. It’s the hardwork that counts.
After spending two days in a week with them, I turned the channel that Sunday night just to see these guys.
Then, I swithced it off…
It’s boring still on the surface!!!
That is why, once you see something deeper, you will consider every color that comes to you. Afterwards, each color has their judgement in your head, and you’ll become really selfless. Your mind streches. It is tiring, yet broadens.